Blisters, Cramps & Heaves

With one week to go until what many Americans are calling the most consequential presidential election of our lifetimes, I figure the most valuable public service I can perform (aside from voting) is to help educate and inform the Ken Bones of 2020—that is, my fellow citizens who aren’t afraid to rock a red sweater and who, God bless ’em, somehow have yet to make up their mind between the Democratic candidate Joe Biden and his Republican opponent (and incumbent president) Donald Trump.

To that end, I’ve prepared the following easy-to-follow flowchart to help the still undecided/uncommitted voter make a more informed choice based on personal preferences and the issues that are most important to them. Simply follow the green (for “yes) or red (for “no”) arrows to reveal your ideal candidate. Feel free to share this with all your undecided friends—and don’t forget to cast your own vote on or before November 3!